I love photography. It is something I would be interested in having a career in. I have taken a film course at NIU in it. I have taken two photo journalism classes. But, I don't have the energy to put into this activity that I love. Being behind a camera makes me feel alive. Hearing the shutter click is fantastic!
I have also taken a design course. Which is another passion I have recently discovered. That too is turning out to be a hard passion to follow because my 'brain fog' makes remembering the complex functions in photoshop hard to remember and I have to constantly look up simple actions. Which is time consuming and exhausting.
Both photography and design are things that I am good at. I just don't currently have the energy or brain function to take part in them. Which is infuriating!
I can't wait to have my full brain function back. It is so muddled with all the drugs & 'natural' brain fog that is associated with Pots Syndrome. Even after six years of dealing with this, it is not something that is comfortable.
The real me is in this body somewhere. I WANT OUT!!
I want to graduate...
I want to play viola again....
I want to take pictures...
I want to have energy....
I want my brain back....
I have been taught since I was little that the "I wants" are unattractive. At this point...I don't care. I feel unattractive. Maybe after I am me again, full of energy and creativity I will feel differently.
Wanting Differently,
K
<3
